Merry Christmas! 圣诞快乐！My first Christmas in the States since 2009 was wonderful, and I was so blessed to celebrate the greatest gift of all time with my wonderful Chinese fiance!

Since my last post, a lot has happened.... my fiance got to fly a plane (our thanks to Mr. Brad for making that happen), shoot guns, go to a snake farm, and go on many Target runs (oh how I wish China had Target, haha). My fiance also got to witness his first foreign wedding, and this sparked some creative thinking on our parts as to how we can combine some elements in our wedding in China this summer.

To be honest, I am kinda dreading planning a wedding in China, and while I thought I was one of those girls who didn't care much about the actual wedding, there were actual tears shed as I realized most of my friends wouldn't be there and I wouldn't get to do a lot of the things I suppose I'd always assumed I would...

...but then I came back to the reality that I am marrying the man I love. So....who cares? Even if I DO hate the wedding, I don't hate him, and it will bring good stories I'm sure.

Anyways, hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

 

(Here we are at the shooting range...you know, a true Texas experience)



We Made It!

After a long, confusing, and at times tearful process we managed to make it to the U.S. with a tourist visa for my fiance! I am so thankful for the blessing of being able to spend the holidays with my family and him together!

We've been back for a week, and so far, we have both gotten a little fatter, and finally beaten jet lag.

Notable moments for my fiance:
-using a water fountain for the first time
-going to see "Lincoln" with me....what a good sport! The 19th century is hard enough for native English speakers to understand...but he was intrigued by the story of Lincoln.
-thrift stores. A new concept for him, and very exciting...he has bought a lot of shoes.
-Sonic fast food. Sadly, this is his favorite food so far. That and Garden Salsa Sun Chips, haha.
-He enjoyed going to church and prayer group with my family, although for someone that comes from the Chinese church network, he was shocked by the size and niceness of our building.

Things that have been hard for him:
-he had a hard time adjusting the first couple of days, because while he regularly speaks English with me and his American best friend, he found it frustrating that he couldn't communicate as quickly and fluently as he'd like with average Americans he met...he said he finally understood my frustration with not being able to communicate my precise meaning in Chinese.
-Unfortunately while listening to the radio one morning, we heard some radio DJs do a very racist bit about Chinese people. While he didn't understand most of it, he observed how embarrassed I was, and that I murmured "racist".

Anyways, we will be here in Texas until January. Since being home, I have:
-dyed my hair blonde (it was on my Bucket List, I've never gone blonde)
-gone to Target multiple times
-enjoyed the firewall-free internet here :-)

Overseas Arrest

It still seems unreal that this is an experience I can say I have had overseas now...
It was time for me to do another visa run this week, so I headed to Hong Kong. Getting there was in and of itself exhausting because in spite of the fact that we thought we had everything in order with my boy's visa to HK, they wouldn't let him leave at first.

Anyways, upon our arrival late one night, we headed to the hostel I had booked online. I have never really had a problem with hostels I booked, especially through a website like hostelbookers.

I won't reveal all the details here, but let's just say this hostel ended up taking all our money and not giving us the room we had booked. We tried to resolve the situation, and the hostel managers wouldn't do a thing. While I will readily admit it wasn't a wise thing to do, I punched him in the face once in the heat of the argument. Keep in mind this was a man, and much taller than me.

I ended up in jail with assault charges. Part of this was because one of the police officers was friends with one of the hostel managers...shady eh?

It was crazy. 2 nights in jail overseas, and  I used my call to the U.S. Consulate and informed them that I was worried I would be treated too harshly because of the relationship of the police officer to the hostel manager. While at first most of the police officers treated me professionally (many of them really were nice), after that things changed...the chief of police was an asshole (pardon my French) and even sent me from the holding cell to actual prison for the night after that. None of my requests were met when I asked. They did briefly let me see my boyfriend.

I entered my plea in court, and was incredibly grateful when the judge didn't even give me a fine (which is what the lawyer thought would happen), just gave me a suspended prison sentence (meaning I don't have to serve if no other incidents happen in Hong Kong for the next year).

It was crazy...I just kept thinking, "I don't belong here....what is going on?" It was crazy. And I now understand why prison is so awful. It really messes with your head...if I had had to stay longer than two nights, I think I would have gone crazy...literally. Especially overseas...it was very difficult to get anyone to tell me what was going on.

And my poor fiance slept on the street/at the police station. He told me he was going crazy, trying to get information and praying so hard. I know that his prayers are why my sentence wasn't harsher. But the poor guy didn't understand the English when they talked about a suspended sentence...so he thought I was going to prison. When the court worker informed him I was fine and would be released, he started to cry, and then the court worker, seeing his tears, started crying too, he said. When I was released (pretty quickly after that due to the fact that there was no fine to pay), he threw his arms around me and started to sob (I have never seen my fiance cry). I was crying and shaking...a bit of a physical toll from not eating/drinking/seeing sunlight.

One interesting thing was, that of most of the other people I saw who had been arrested by the HKPD...most were foreigners. All the girls were...the poor mainland Chinese girl in the cell with me was so scared...we conversed in Mandarin (I was grateful, my Cantonese is awful).

Anyways, so there you go...an experience I don't recommend. I've been pretty lighthearted in talking about it, after all, part of it is so ridiculous. But, in actuality, it was a frightening experience that I may need to get some counseling to work through.

Children in China

As I sat with my fiancee at lunch, we made eyes at a cute baby at the table across from us.

"I think we're gonna have a daughter as our first child. What about you? What do you want for the first one?"
"Uh, either is ok with me."

"Yeah...I think a girl is good...or no, maybe a boy, then he can protect the girl later."

"Girls are actually more scary and protective sometimes." I pointed out.

This turned to a discussion about his own experience in childhood. He has 2 older sisters (rather uncommon for that generation in China), and his parents had that many kids because they were still trying for a son.

He readily admits that his mom focused on him, not the sisters. This aspect of his upbringing comes up a lot (especially when we are fighting). It's still shocking to me at times the super old-fashioned thought that still comes into play here....it's good that we are on the same page about how unhealthy/stupid/messed up that is.

He doesn't particularly appreciate all the focus being on him anyways at times...it means added pressure simply because he is the son in the family. As a girl, I also pick up on some of the resentment from his sisters (especially one).

Times are changing in China, and the way that people think is slowly changing too, but some things aren't changing quickly enough in my independent American mind....of course, while this doesn't mean that parents don't love their daughters, the male focus brings me much bewilderment....

Happy Halloween!

This Halloween my good friend Rachel and I did a Halloween party with our local friends...like many Western holidays, people are familiar with the name, but often unfamiliar with why/how we celebrate.

Although I very much resent the Twilight series and the whole vampire obsession...I only had a brief amount of time to throw together a costume, and vampire was the easiest/cheapest. My boyfriend didn't dress up (and right before this picture/possibly afterward we had a huge fight, hence the added angry expression/vampiric eyes...my eyes look pretty scary after I cry).

Another thing that is fun is that many Chinese friends are eager to try out anything that is a Western tradition, thus most people were pretty good sports about sticking their faces in a pail of water (bobbing for apples). :-)

I definitely miss Halloween parties in the States, with all the creative costumes and fun, but it was fun getting to introduce my local friends to some Halloween fun!

First Date

My first "date" with my now-fiancee was, like many things in China, done from a decidely group-think approach.

We met at work, and our first time hanging outside of work (breaking the rules, I might add, since he was the foreign teacher assisstant and wasn't supposed to date the foreign teachers...my boss had explicitly told him when I first started working there "you can't date this girl." His reply, "What if I quit?" haha, but anyway...)....yeah, first time to go out was during the May holiday when we had a four-day break from work.

We had talked about hanging out, although I was kind of thrown off when he texted inviting me to hang out with him...and his American best friend. Uh....was this like a group interview? While I was a little bit weirded out, I decided to go with the flow...had a feeling about this guy.

So, he picked me up on his motorbike (my first time riding on the back of one of those) and we headed to the mall to meet his friend. Upon meeting, my fiance's friend exclaimed "nice to finally meet you!" (implying conversation about me before).

It was an eventful few days...that day we went to a coffee shop, walked around, went to play pool and along the way encountered some friends from Xinjiang who we sat outside drinking beers with while they sang songs in Uiyghur. We went back to his friend's place and watched some movies, and I feel asleep. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, wondering where I was, and finding myself covered with his leather jacket, him sleeping beside me on the couch (not shady, I swear!).

When he woke up, we chatted quietly on the couch while his friend slept. "I feel like you're my neighbor or something." He said. "Uh, really?" "Yeah, like...I can just talk to you...like I've known you for a long time." He then proceeded to show me a card trick, which he adorably messed up multiple times while I feigned amazement.

We went to play mahjong, and at the end of the night I went to part ways, saying I was heading to the coffee shop. He came along, and we had our "dtr"/"where do you see this going" talk...initiated by him.

While dating is usually more serious to begin with in the States, his talking about the future weirdly didn't freak me out (that was not the case with a very brief previous relationship with another Chinese guy...one mention of marriage and I was closed off).

The next two days of the holiday we went out with coworkers, had our first kiss (best one I've ever had), and more. While it was the most random experience letting our first date turn into a 3 day event, I'm glad I went with the flow on that one....

Intentions

Well, to be perfectly honest, I would say my Chinese fiancee and I need couples counseling, but, as that is not so much an option here....we are trying to figure things out ourselves (prayer appreciated!).

One of our big issues has been the problems of understanding each other's intentions and ways of expressing love....

For example, I am an American, and while I never considered myself a particularly romantic girl, compared to some Chinese men, I suppose I am. I want heart connection, and keeping your word above all else...and respect. I express myself by spending time together, remembering things, giving gifts.

My fiancee, as is typical for many Chinese men, is concerned with the practical. He expects that I should realize how much he loves me by all that he is doing to prepare for the future (working on our apartment, etc). Of course, when we are having heart connection issues, I could care less about all that practical stuff.

I do consider myself blessed that compared to some cultural standards, he is fairly verbally expressive with his feelings...however, the flipside is also true...when he is upset, his words can be incredibly wounding. Whereas my fingers are incredibly wounding (hello, pinching when upset...mature I know).

Of course, like couples anywhere, we are selfish and....stubborn. While from what I have read about birth order, a youngest child male and eldest child female are supposed to be one of the most ideal pairings....I have found it to be kind of hard. He is kind of used to not having to try too hard to get some things he wants, whereas I am also somewhat bossy and, I'll admit it, think I am always right.

He also gets upset when I question how much he loves me or why he would do something that hurts me. And granted, I could do with practicing forgiveness a bit more (I am having ample opportunity to practice recently). Likewise, I get upset when he doesn't respond to my questions with reassurance. Sigh. Relationships are hard work, and especially when you have cultural differences.

On a lighter note, I think learning to deal with some things with humor helps a bit....for example, when I share about some of our arguments and adventures, some friends have said it would make an excellent reality tv show. The mere aspect of western woman engaged to Chinese man living in mainland China is apparently interesting in and of itself.

Scene: Bedroom. It's the evening, and our two characters are arguing/discussing some disappointments/lack of understanding.
Julie, an emotional, somewhat fiery and stubborn American girl is pissed with Long, a typical insensitive guy.
Julie (hissing): You...are...soooo.....rude!
She huffs, and attempts to dramatically fling herself onto her bed, unfortunately missing the bed and hitting her head extremely hard on the wall.
She crumples to the bed, clutching her head, and commences sobbing like a four-year-old child.
Long: are you ok? Here, let me give you a head massage.
Does so, then falls asleep while doing so. Cue loud snoring from Long and venomous looks from Julie.

:)

Update

My apologies for the lack of posting recently...I've had some ideas for posts, and will be working on those....to be honest, my fiance and I are going through some rocky times....we're struggling through it, and in the midst of trials still finding sweet moments...more to come on some of that later.

For now, here is a pic of my Chinese hottie. And yes, those of you familiar with regions of China will realize he looks like he is from Xinjiang (but he isn't).

Realities of Family Life in China

I will be honest, a lot of those horror stories you hear about the Chinese mother/mother-in-law....absolutely true. I really and truly do consider myself blessed that my Chinese m-i-l is a kind, Christian woman....however, I will readily admit that she still drives me up the wall sometimes...mostly related to some very, very traditional ways of doing things that most young people in China don't agree with, but tolerate because of the idea of filial piety.

As we prepare for marriage, I have been very careful to assert with my fiance that we will NOT be following the traditional Chinese way of relating to parents. Of course we will respect his mother and listen to her (within reason), she is (mostly) a very wise woman. However, I have also point-blank told him that I HAVE to know that when it comes down to my feelings versus his mother's, that he is going to stand with me. Since I expressed concern about this, he has been very good about standing with me even on the small things, but sometimes things are still difficult for me...because honestly, I am an impatient American and don't want to take the time to HAVE to listen to some of the unwanted advice, even if we are just going to ignore it later....especially when he says he will just talk to his mom and explain if we want to do something differently than her...in my mind I don't believe that we should have to take the time to do that.

This frustration comes very much into play with trying to make decisions about what we will do for business. We have our own ideas, but my fiance is somewhat prone to changing them when he receives business advice from others. This frustrates me, but I do recognize that most of it frustrates me mostly because I am VERY American in my tendency to want to do things independently.

Somewhere in the middle is probably the best balance...after all, it's foolish to ignore wise advice, but at some point, you just can't take it ALL in....you have to make decisions as a couple.

The group-think mindset here is probably my number-one cultural frustration. Some of the espoused reasons for this are good....family unity, etc....except that in reality, families here have just as many issues as families anywhere....and oftentimes, more deep-seated bitterness and frustration.

So there you go, an honest assessment of something that is a difficulty about Chinese-American cultural interactions. More to come on some of the specificities about what is different about family relationships...

Engagement

A few weeks ago, I changed my facebook status to "Engaged"....knowing full well, the outpouring of excitement and perhaps surprise from many that didn't know much if anything about my relationship. The funny thing was...while we in the U.S. put a lot of emphasis on engagement as the moment he gives a fancy proposal and hands you a diamond ring, in China...things are different. No fancy proposal, no ring (yet, that comes as part of the wedding preparation....in addition to which you apparently also get a diamond necklace and bracelet...whoa!).

In fact, my fiance and I have been discussing marriage and confirming that we are like-minded since very, very early in the relationship. In fact, during our first sit-down talk at a coffee shop when we had JUST started dating, he told me he didn't want to freak me out, but that he saw it all with me...ordinarily that WOULD freak me out (in fact, it has before with people I thought I wanted to start dating, then once they made similiar committed statements, I freaked out). But, from the beginning, there has been the "feeling" that I often heard people describe and rolled my eyes out....I just knew we were supposed to be together, although I initially took a bit longer than him to get comfortable officially moving in that direction. We' are just hitting the five-month mark of officially dating, and it used to be that I would have considered us moving WAY too fast....except, with him...it just is right.

We still have some time till marriage (next year is the plan, we haven't even set a date yet....still focusing on our return trip to America for him to meet my family). Some people have also gotten the mistaken impression (only if they haven't talked to me about my relationship) that I am in some fuzzy, love-clouded impulsive decision-making mode....that is the furthest thing from the truth...we have fought SO much. About typical things, but also about things most couples don't have to argue about relating to our different cultures.

All that to say, he calls me his "beyonce" "viance" or sometimes when he remember the English correctly, "fiancee", and tells everyone we are getting married next year. We are engaged, but I don't have the flashy ring photos (yet) or amazing proposal story. In fact, we confirmed that we were going to get married in the midst of a rather tense argument. Awkward and yet kind of romantic in a weird way, as I sort of hissed at him "Yessss, I want to marry you." with a glare.

Anyways, this period for us is actually pretty rocky, but nowhere along the way have we questioned our commitment to each other and doing life together...we've just had some intense pressures to overcome.

When I want to kill him for doing something stupid, or doing something differently than I would....when I feel so overwhelmed by some of the pressures facing us (more to come on that later)...I still feel incredibly blessed and see God's hand in putting us together. We're both learning, both growing, and I feel doubly blessed in spite of the double challenges to have a husband prepared for me in a country different than that of my birth.

Chinese Health Advice

As anyone who lives in China knows, their ideas about health/cures for sickness are just a bit different than those in the West. They prize their health here, and are very focused on keeping everything in the body balanced....all the while eating really oily foods and smoking away...but anyway....I do not discount all of the ideas I encounter here, because, hey, China has a long history...there may be some truth to some of their long-held practices....however, as a Westerner, I am easily annoyed by the things that interfere with some of my own habits.

For example:

-Don't drink cold water...or cold anything. Girls especially. If you drink cold water...you will die. OR at least have any number of horrible health problems. Or, as my Chinese soon-to-be mother-in-law told me this morning, "If you want to have kids, don't drink cold water." I bit my tongue and didn't respond like I wanted, which was to say that Americans drink cold things all the time, and, somehow, we have still managed to reproduce.

-Animals are bad for your health. Don't keep them close to you, you will get diseases. Now, this belief is actually becoming less common as pets become more and more popular here in China...but, once again, this is what my m-i-l thinks. We then gently informed her we were planning to get a big dog in addition to the dog I already have (actually we are planning to get two, but...we'll break it to her slowly).

This leads into another interesting, and, to me, horrifying collection of practices surrounding pregnancy, childbirth, and babies. This whole process has a BUNCH of rules, none of which I intend to follow when I reach that stage in life. These include:
-being confined to your bed for one month after giving birth. For real...NO MOVEMENT.
-no showering for that same amount of time (hell no)
-eating a bunch of things I don't want to eat
-not eating a bunch of things I do want to eat
-And, once again, not being around animals/letting them around your baby (this includes all of pregnancy)

Now, some people I know do not follow these quite so religiously, however, many people still hold these to be true, and my m-i-l, while a sweet woman, is very, very traditional in some aspects...particularly concerning health.

Once again, I don't mean to come across as condescending towards Chinese medicine/health practices, but, once again, as a foreigner, these are a few of the things that are weird/not tolerable to me.

Anyone else encountered any interesting health beliefs here in the middle kingdom?

Facing New Realities

Most days, as I may have mentioned before, I don't dwell on the fact that I am in a relationship with a Chinese guy. I am in a relationship, that's that. But recently, as we move closer to bigger steps and a permanent future together, the realities of what life as a foreign wife/mother in China have begun to sink in. Most days, it's interesting and alright. While my boyfriend and I are constantly reminded of what an anomaly we are, we don't care. But, as someone who tends to overthink things at times/deal with anxiety by letting it quietly build, I found myself collapsing in tears one day when my boyfriend teased me about forgetting to make spaghetti like I'd promised the day before.

Classic example of "he said, she hears", magnified by my stress over the prospect of spending a lifetime as a wife in China who is not Chinese/still clueless about Chinese household management.

Boyfriend: You forgot didn't you. If I wasn't reminding you now, you wouldn't make it.
Me: I remembered, I just forgot to buy beef, that's why I didn't make it for lunch...I can make it for dinner.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but admit it, you forgot.
Me: (bursts into tears)
Boyfriend: (stares at me bewildered, then quickly blurts out as many men have learned to do, "I'm sorry, I'm such a jerk sometimes")
Me: (continue with the silent treatment and sob for another hour until his mom peeps in, asks what's wrong, then whacks him for making me cry).

So, that was what he said, but in my fragile, on-edge emotional state, I heard: "You are a complete failure as a girlfriend, and are going to be a failure as a wife." Not at all what he was saying, but yeah...

Later that night I started to sniffle again, feeling overwhelmed and lonely. My boyfriend heard me and got up. He sighed (doesn't usually respond well to tears). "What's wrong with you?" This escalated into a very confusing conversation in which I tried to articulate all my fears about not knowing how to respond to a Chinese mother-in-law, to parenting in China , to how lonely I felt sometimes because I didn't have anyone going through a similiar thing to talk to, to how I felt homesick and was dealing with culture stress because I still hate being stared at...to how people always talked about me right in front of me, as if I were a zoo animal....needless to say, it was a long conversation, and my boyfriend wasn't really understanding (all he heard was "I'm not happy...being with you is misery.", which is not what I was trying to communicate...I finally sputtered "of course I'm happy with you, I love you, but I need you to be a friend to me sometimes, listen, and give me a hug, not just get mad because you don't know how to fix these things!").

We continued to talk, with me sputtering and him getting irritated, until I finally was able to articulate with the statement. "I love you. I know I want to be with you. It's just that I think the reality just hit me that I'm not going to be in China for just a few years, I'm going to be here forever, and there are some things that I will have to give up. " He was quiet for a moment, then whispered, "I'm really selfish sometimes. When you said that....I never thought about how much you will have to give up."

The conversation continued after that (until like 2 a.m., poor guy), and things have been better, but I am realizing there are some things I do need to talk through as we prepare for marriage. And, any of you fellow bloggers with similiar experiences out there, of course would love to hear from you as well!

Issues that are difficult include:

-Being American I am not very tolerant to the constant unwanted opinions/advice that are given me even by people I don't know well. How does that translate into merging into my Chinese family/raising my own kids? I told my bf outright I wouldn't be able to tolerate people telling me how to raise my own kids.
-The fact  that raising kids in China, even though we will raise them to be bilingual, means that Chinese will be more of their mother-tongue...and they won't be growing up in the culture I am familiar with, which makes me feel at a slight parenting disadvantage.
-Sadness over the fact that we are distant from my family (of course grateful for this age of e-communications)

Even though kids are still at least a couple of years in the future for us, we're looking at marriage next year, and are finishing our apartment (a necessity for marriage in China) in the next few weeks. I think it's really important to be on the same page for those things.

To end on a positive note, any relationship has its challenges, we just have some different ones than most people. It's the really sweet moments that remind me how exceptionally blessed I am in spite of exceptional challenges. I was praying with my bf and his mom before bed one night (his mom is a woman of great Christian faith). She prayed in earnest before God, "Thank you for sending Julie to us from so far away, I'm so happy. Bless these young people." She also added "And God I really hope that her parents will like my son as much as I like Julie." So cute.

Apologies for the lack of posting. There are several reasons for this:

1) I haven't felt like it.
2) I have been really busy
3) I don't know what to write...sometimes I just feel so settled into life here...it's not an adventure so much anymore, although it's constantly interesting....it's just life.
4) To be honest, I haven't felt like keeping in touch with people on the other side of the globe...but I have been reminded of the value of connecting with people around the globe...especially those people walking through similiar life situations.
5) I eluded to this earlier, but....yeah. I have a boyfriend. And while I have never wanted to be one of those people who only focuses on their relationship...I have realized that when you meet the right person...yeah, you want to spend time together and that's ok. I still have other friends...but yeah, this is an important part of my life now! As I feel it's appropriate I will write some things that might be interesting/helpful about having an intercultural relationship, but for the most part...it's a relationship. I don't constantly think about how my boyfriend is Chinese, I just think about him as a person. Yes, we have some slightly different discussions/behaviors sometimes, but overall...not a big deal. However, the attitudes we have encountered from some people are rather interesting.

And of course,  there are those interesting moments when your boyfriend leans in to kiss you and whispers..."Big nose". Yep, I've got the foreign pointy nose and he has the Chinese flat one. :)

New

Well, time for an update on something I haven't actually shared with everyone that I know yet, but with the anonymity that the internet provides (haha), I think I'll start talking about it...it's new cultural territory for me.

I'm venturing back into the cross-cultural dating scene. I'm not going to share many details at this point, but yeah...new relationship. As I have shared with some local friends that I will be dating this local guy, the responses have been very interesting.

Most of it has been "Oh, great, he is so suitable for you." Which I think is kind of funny, because it's like, how do they really know that?... but anyways.

One friend who has met him (most of them haven't yet) expressed approval in a rather amusing manner. "Yes, his eyes are very big...he is suitable for you."

Actually I don't think that's really a point in his favor since I like small eyes, but whatever.

This was followed by an inquisition about his job, salary, and whether or not he lived with his parents or had his own house. This friend has a particular way of annoying me when conversing on this topic...she has an extremely practical, traditional view of selecting a boyfriend. She didn't approve of my last crush because he worked at a coffee shop.

I kept telling her I wasn't concerned since I had a salary and didn't need much to live on/to own three houses/to have a car. The whole conversation was somewhat bizarre to me..the guy is not a slacker and has more than enough to live on...also, her admiration for people who have 5 apartments (who on earth needs 5 apartments, especially in our small city?) really bugs me...I always have to bite my tongue and remember to be patient....I grew up in the West with less practical imagery surrounding the ideas of love and marriage, and I have familiarity with the additional concept of using your wealth to bless others/giving till it hurts.

Anyhow, adjusting to dating in China versus the U.S. will be interesting, especially since everything that I do as a foreigner attracts more attention than the average person...and the average person still has everyone else's noses in their business. A new adventure for sure...

It's Here

Yes, ladies and gentleman, the long-awaited release of Titanic in 3D (ok, so not so much long-awaited by me, but long-awaited by many of my friends here in China). I'll admit, as the last week has brought a continual blaring of "My Heart Will Go On" over mall loudspeakers, I have been rolling my eyes and steeling myself for what I knew would be the inevitable accompanying of friends to see it (I was just praying I wouldn't have to go at midnight).

But you know what? I think my attitude has changed (I really am becoming more and more Chinese, ack). I enjoyed sitting in that theater with people (mostly older, of the generation that first saw it fifteen years ago and wanted to reminisce), oohing and aahing over the 3D, and the story, which they were reacting to as if they had never seen.

My friend published something online about just what that movie meant to China, and I'll admit, I was much less condescending after reading it.

Fifteen years ago the cinematic climate was much different here...Titanic wasn't the first American film released here, but it was the first to be so huge. As my friend explained, it literally opened a whole new world to those who saw it. It wasn't just about the story (although that was a big part of it....a story about the pursuit of love above family commitment and even wealth was a new concept for some), but it was about good cinema too, and the opening of China. China still has a long way to go in that department, but this was a first step. Now, some of us might argue that Titanic is not really good cinema, but compared to most Chinese films...it's definitely got something. Particularly at the time when it was released.

So, as I sat there, watching the unedited version of the film, honestly...I felt moved. Not necessarily by Jack and Rose, but by their impact on a society and my friends as well.

Brief Update

I know I haven't update in a while, so for whoever reads this, a brief synopsis of what's up:

The last month has brought a LOT of change....good change, but I have been incredibly busy. Schedule changes were part of all this change. Suffice it to say, I have a 9-5....except in China it is more like an 8-7. I am busy, but really enjoying it and finding that I have a lot of sweet opportunities and relationships as a result.

Other things that people want updates on:

-my Mongolian learning has slowed down, but Mandarin is still progressing well. I still have weekly Chinese lessons and of course, at work I communicate with coworkers and clients in Mandarin a lot of times. Always mindful of how much further I have to go with language learning, but it is a really good opportunity to practice.

-I have a studio apartment, a dog, and life feels way too grown-up for me sometimes. Yes, I realize I am almost a quarter-century old, but I still feel like a wide-eyed teenager some days.

Things that I have done that felt old this week:

-bought an oven (and was extremely excited about it)

-got a VIP card for buying dog food (woohoo! haha). You can get VIP cards for anything here.

-got flowers from a boy

-kissed that boy on the cheek (just to clarify, in the context that was entirely appropriate, but it still felt like an old lady/European thing to do)

Other things....cute barista.

Well, shockingly,......we have a fairly normal relationship now. He taught a friend and I to play mahjong the other night. While he started by dramatically declaring that it was too hard a task to teach a foreigner mahjong, he changed his tune and was impressed that we were able to catch on (and subsequently beat him).

Overall, life is busy...but good. I don't have a lot of downtime, but the bit that I do have is sweet and fruitful. I'm enjoying my life here in China and thankful for all God's blessings in my current stage of life. 天天快乐！

Awkward

Ok, I'll admit it...occasionally when I'm having a conversation in Mandarin I nod even if I don't completely understand what the person is saying. If I have no idea what they're talking about I usually tell them, but if I feel like I have a vague idea I just try to ride the wave of conversation....occasionally this causes some awkward fails though...enter recipe for disaster:

-me, having worked from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. and exhausted/a bit stressed and distracted and having just taught an English Corner on politics and the American legislative system (hard enough to teach to Americans!)

-cute barista, who looks so cute that I have a mini panic-attack every time he opens his mouth...

Setting: nighttime in the coffee shop after English Corner

I am going to pay for my dinner. Usual exchange of pleasantries and payment, and I turn to walk away.

"Julie!" He calls after me. "I want to ask you..."

I walk back over. "Erm..." he looks slightly awkward and then proceeds to ask me about something. "Do you know...*something*" Now for whatever reason I cannot understand him very well (he speaks a sort of locally-influenced version of Mandarin anyway). However, I think that I have the jist of what he is saying. I answer what I think he is asking. I say, "I have a friend who should know." He says something else. I pull out another conversational trick, which is to ask "Why?" As in, "why do you ask?" Well, that failed because whatever he was saying, when I said that (with my best attempt at a cute grin) he turned red, grinned, and said, "No reason, I just feel that they're better to look at than the Chinese ones. Nevermind." At this point I was totally lost. I thought we were talking about cell phones, I really did. It occured to me later that I have no idea why he would ask me about cell phones. Fail. It turned out later that he was talking about design. sheji. not shouji. Listening fail. I still have no idea why he was asking me about design. But whatever. I salvaged the conversation by inviting him to eat Mexican food.

Intimacy I Didn't Want?

The saga of the cute barista continues...

A few weeks ago I told him he should drink chamomile tea because he said he couldn't stop sneezing. Well, I guess he decided to return the tea advice favor?

When I'm working on projects he usually brings me surprise drinks to try....last night he brought me a new kind of tea...I couldn't quite place the flavor. "What kind of tea is this? It's really good!"
"Oh, I'll bring you some more!" *comes back* "It's blueberry." Gives me a knowing smile.

I promptly google blueberry tea's uses in traditional Chinese medicine..used to recover strength annnd....for urinary issues/overactive bladder.

Does this mean that he noticed that I was getting up to pee every twenty minutes? I guess so....

I would like to offer my services to the businesses of China...just as someone to serve as an ear to run things by before opening a shop called, for instance, "LSD Cafe" (Little Sweet Dreams Cafe, but the abbreviation is LSD), or, this:

It certainly did lead to an interesting conversation with my local friend when I burst into laughter. Unfortunately she now looks at me and says this phrase whenever there are males she wants to demean around.

Swimming

If you have seen the movie "The Green Hornet", you may remember a scene where
Seth Rogen, as Britt Reid, and Jay Chou, as Kato, fight…the fight ends when they fall into the pool and Kato reveals that he can’t swim. To many people, that would be a “huh?” moment…a martial arts expert can’t swim? Really? But to any who have lived in China, you will know that it is actually extremely common for adults to not know how to swim. It’s becoming more common as a hobby, but many of my friends can’t swim, and their parents never had them take lessons because it was dangerous. If you don’t live around water, I suppose that makes sense, although it seems more dangerous to me that if you potentially ever fell into water you would die.

I have been attempting to teach a friend to swim in the evenings after she finishes work…I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit humorous to watch her attempts…but she is learning. (a young boy we met last time was not as polite as me and did a rather mean but hilarious imitation of her flailing her
arms in the water). Slowly but surely she is getting to where she can at least sort of keep her head out of the water though, so I am happy that she potentially could survive in water without drowning. We'll keep it up, it's good for me to practice as well! I didn't want to go initially, after all, that pool is not heated and I am a subscriber of the Chinese philosophy "don't get cold, you will die", but I'm glad I have been going.

Another highlight of experiencing swimming as a foreigner is that you get to have the naked in front of a bunch of Chinese people locker room experience, which, surprisingly, I have become completely comfortable with. More on that another time.

Spotlight on my BFF

So one of my best friends here is "Vicky". She is sweet, outgoing, and pretty much the total opposite of me.

Anyways, some things I have learned from her:

-God gives us dreams for a reason, and we should always boldly follow those dreams, and work hard for them!

-It's always worth it to ask people for help/things that we want, the worst that can happen is they will say no.

-We should always count our blessings and let the little things go.

-Best friend earrings are cool. Yep, we bought two sets of earrings, and then each had one earring from each set.

A funny story: she came to stay at my hostel with me when I visited her in her hometown, because she wanted the experience. She made friends with everyone there almost immediately, she is so friendly (opposite of me, I am a people-watcher, not interacter right away typically).

Anyways, she is very much a go-getter. Anything I mention to her she makes happen. I mentioned I wanted to visit Jay Chou's new KTV. We were told it would be hard to find because they didn't want just anyone going there. I was like ok, no big deal. Not Vicky. She found it, then followed a group who had paid to be there and asked if we could go with them just to look around. Then she approached all the staff there and got them to take some awesome photos of us (I will have to share those later).

I mentioned to her that I thought the bartender at our hostel was cute. "You should talk to him." "No, I don't do that." (my version of flirting is just to stare someone down from afar, haha). So she marches up to him (he's in the middle of doing some accounting work) and starts talking. Soon she has found out the guy's life story, and talked me up as well in the process. "Have you met her? She is such an exceptional person." This conspiracy came to a head by her somehow discovering the guy was studying to go abroad to the U.S. and me helping him to study. "I'm an introvert." I said in way of explanation for why I hadn't introduced myself (I had already been acquainted with the other staff members). "Me too" He said grinning shyly. "But I could tell from watching you that you are really cool. Thanks for helping me." Vicky was practically beaming.

Anyways, I really enjoyed getting to visit her and meet her family... it's easy to understand why she is such a confident person, she has great parents! (That's Vicky, her mom, and I playing around in the photo below).

Xi'an

I had the opportunity a few weeks ago to visit a friend in her hometown, the ancient capital city of China, Xi'an.

Yes, Xi'an is famous for the Terracotta Warriors, and, in my opinion, this is THE must-see sight of China (more so than the Great Wall). I found it mind-blowing.

Each and every single one of these warriors has a different face, different details. Incredible. And also a slightly haunting reminder of the futility of trying to create for yourself a post-death kingdom.

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Aside from the Terracotta Warriors, I fell in love with Xi'an as a whole. So much history around, and amazzzziing local food! If I didn't love my local city so much, I would be happy to relocate there!

Post-Vacay

Vacation was quite the adventure...I thought I would do a few posts spotlighting different experiences.

One of my favorite parts was crossing off a certain item from my bucket list....staying at the Marina Bay Sands.

A while ago one of my fave Korean stars, Jung Ji Hoon, tweeted some pics of him and his backup dancers in an AMAZING pool..I knew I had to swim in it before I die.

While the skypark with the Infinity pool as it is called used to be open for the public to pay a fee and swim there, it is now open only to hotel guests...so, we had to stay there. It was quite the splurge, but, after staying in crappy hostels for the rest of the trip, it was worth it.

Ok, so it was cold, and my vampiric skin hadn't seen the light of day in a long time, so excuse the glowing whiteness.

Anyways, if you are ever in Singapore, it's worth skimping in other areas to splurge on this pool!

TILT! The pre-vacay edition!

Well, because I have been SUPER stressed out and ready to kill almost everyone, I decided it was time to recount the good things from my week in spite of the stress.

-I was thankful for people that support me, and, as was the case this week, protect me.

-I was thankful for sales on some summery clothing that I can wear on my vacation.

-I am super thankful to be taking a vacation (leaving tomorrow)...warmer temperatures, time away from some stressful situations, overall refreshment!

-I was thankful to get to see Sherlock Holmes 2 this week (with 2 of my hilarious friends)

-I was thankful for the "J" drawn on my latte last night...so cute!

-I was thankful for finding some cheap reads on kindle!

-I was thankful for my family

-I was thankful for my friend always bringing me delicious food...last night J brought me homemade meatballs, and the week before she brought me homemade steamed bread (my fave)!

-I was thankful for unspoken sympathy demonstrated in actions

-I was thankful that my friend trusted my Chinese handwriting enough to let me help her fill out some documents for work

-I am thankful for discount plane tickets that will allow me to visit a friend's hometown, and to travel with another friend and her mother!

-I was very, very thankful for handsome barista this week. I spent a lot of time this week at the coffee shop because our internet at home was broken...I also had my share of stressful situations, several of which happened at the coffee shop. Anyways, I appreciated him fending off a stalker for me, making me custom drinks when I was stressed out, and just being an overall cutie.

Well, tomorrow I start my whirlwind tour of 4 countries (counting layovers, I guess it's 5, haha). See y'all in a couple of weeks!

新年快乐！

Ok, so it's a little late for a New Year's post....but, happy new year all the same! I know I am grateful for a reminder that a fresh start is always possible, ptl!

I had grand plans for New Year's Eve (just like last year), that involved karaoke and glow bracelets...but when midnight struck, I found myself at a friend's house watching "2012" and snacking. We didn't notice when midnight struck...anticlimactic, but a good new year celebration nonetheless....good company!

A big part of celebrating a new year for me is not so much about making resolutions (which usually get broken), as much as reflecting on the past year and visualizing what things I want to grow in for next year.

This year was...confusing, messy, beautiful, exciting, terrifying...all kinds of things. I'm guessing that your year may have been as well.

2012...I can already count blessings that have happened or are to come....I'm looking forward to growing in relationships with friends here....to mending mistakes that I've made and allowing God to heal hurts, both suffered and self-inflicted. I will get to see more of the world...visit new places, meet new people, and have new enlightening conversations.

I'm hoping this year I will cry more, and allow myself to acutely feel emotions again. I hope I will grow closer to God. I hope I will really extend kindness to my friends here, even when I feel irritated or overwhelmed by cultural stresses.

Of course, I have thought of a few practical things I want to grow in too...the usual study goals, language improvement techniques to try, studies to do, etc.

What about you friends? What were the highlights of your past year and what are things you are looking forward to in the next year?