Intentions

Well, to be perfectly honest, I would say my Chinese fiancee and I need couples counseling, but, as that is not so much an option here....we are trying to figure things out ourselves (prayer appreciated!).

One of our big issues has been the problems of understanding each other's intentions and ways of expressing love....

For example, I am an American, and while I never considered myself a particularly romantic girl, compared to some Chinese men, I suppose I am. I want heart connection, and keeping your word above all else...and respect. I express myself by spending time together, remembering things, giving gifts.

My fiancee, as is typical for many Chinese men, is concerned with the practical. He expects that I should realize how much he loves me by all that he is doing to prepare for the future (working on our apartment, etc). Of course, when we are having heart connection issues, I could care less about all that practical stuff.

I do consider myself blessed that compared to some cultural standards, he is fairly verbally expressive with his feelings...however, the flipside is also true...when he is upset, his words can be incredibly wounding. Whereas my fingers are incredibly wounding (hello, pinching when upset...mature I know).

Of course, like couples anywhere, we are selfish and....stubborn. While from what I have read about birth order, a youngest child male and eldest child female are supposed to be one of the most ideal pairings....I have found it to be kind of hard. He is kind of used to not having to try too hard to get some things he wants, whereas I am also somewhat bossy and, I'll admit it, think I am always right.

He also gets upset when I question how much he loves me or why he would do something that hurts me. And granted, I could do with practicing forgiveness a bit more (I am having ample opportunity to practice recently). Likewise, I get upset when he doesn't respond to my questions with reassurance. Sigh. Relationships are hard work, and especially when you have cultural differences.

On a lighter note, I think learning to deal with some things with humor helps a bit....for example, when I share about some of our arguments and adventures, some friends have said it would make an excellent reality tv show. The mere aspect of western woman engaged to Chinese man living in mainland China is apparently interesting in and of itself.

Scene: Bedroom. It's the evening, and our two characters are arguing/discussing some disappointments/lack of understanding.
Julie, an emotional, somewhat fiery and stubborn American girl is pissed with Long, a typical insensitive guy.
Julie (hissing): You...are...soooo.....rude!
She huffs, and attempts to dramatically fling herself onto her bed, unfortunately missing the bed and hitting her head extremely hard on the wall.
She crumples to the bed, clutching her head, and commences sobbing like a four-year-old child.
Long: are you ok? Here, let me give you a head massage.
Does so, then falls asleep while doing so. Cue loud snoring from Long and venomous looks from Julie.

:)