I seldom blog about the uglier side of life here in China…it does exist. Just like anywhere, I diplomatically reply when locals inquire about hardships….truthfully though, being overseas brings hardships of a different sort.
One of the things that can become emotionally draining as a foreigner here is the frequent need to determine someone’s motivation in befriending you. Motives are not always pure. That is to be expected anywhere, but some people are downright nasty about it. Just like anywhere, there are bad and good people...but unfortunately as a foreigner I stick out a bit more as a target for some of those bad people. A lot of times I get so worn out by interacting with those who just want to use me for different things…but it is on those days that I am so grateful for true, loyal friends that I truly am incredibly blessed to have…and especially those people that are protective of me. I am relatively good at handling myself, but it sure helps to have the support of my local friends!
One such friend even stepped outside cultural boundaries last night to defend me….it was an awkward, but appreciated encounter.
One person, who shall remained unnamed, has been visiting my English corner. His motivation in coming was questionable, because his English was perfect...in fact he seemed to think his was better than mine. He was arrogant, interrupted me and the other students constantly, and was just really rude, crude, and condescending. He also wanted me to come over to his apartment to lead an internet discussion (shady). I gave a very Chinese response to this request, that if he
called and I had time, I might (this is a Chinese no).
Well, he did call….and I didn’t answer. Well, he took the opportunity at the next week’s English corner to badger me about it. “I called twice and you didn’t answer…you promised.” “I didn’t promise.” I said. “I said if I had time…and I am very busy.” My friend chimed in, “Yeah, I heard her. She didn’t promise you.”
Guy: “This was a conversation between us two…how is it your business?
Friend: “We are friends. I am her big sister….it is my business.”
This escalated into an argument (conducted in English,
interestingly enough…but both of them have fluent English) in which my big sister basically called him out on all of his obnoxious behavior…she didn’t just cause him to lose face, she took his face off. She listed the ways he had acted rudely, and told him frankly, "I don't like you." While he argued at first, eventually he left, clearly irritated but also embarrassed.
Afterwards we debriefed the situation…she thought she was unnecessarily harsh…but she said she just couldn’t help it. I said I had been too passive. “I am too Chinese, and you are too American in your response.” I laughed.
Definitely awkward moments, but as he was clearly trying to play up his government job/perfect English to badger an “easy foreign girl”, I was pretty thankful to have an aggressive 姐姐。
again, how good it is that you have friends that will stand by you and speak into situations that arise to defend you. it seems that it needed to come from an outside source for him to get the picture. thanks for sharing...its good to know the hard and the sweet.
ReplyDelete(also, i could read jiejie!!)