Adoption

I had a hard day yesterday...for several reasons I was feeling sensitive already, and I was very discouraged by a conversation with my m-i-l after brunch...we were sitting around, and after giving me a lecture on all the precautions I needed to take while pregnant/after giving birth (SIDENOTE: I AM NOT PREGNANT, AND I AM NOT PLANNING TO BE IN THE NEAR FUTURE), she said (as many do), "Have a son and a daughter....that will be perfect. How many children do you want Julie?"

Ignoring how stupid I find the comment "have one son and one daughter", I answered I'd like to have two and adopt two...four kids. My fiance and I have discussed this in depth, were seemingly on the same page. When I first shared with him the passion God has given me for adopting children who need a home, he said admiringly, "all my ex-girlfriends ever cared about was what they were going to wear or eat or do for fun".

Anyhow, when I shared this with my m-i-l, she was not particularly supportive...taking care of orphans in general, she is supportive of, as a Christian, but the concept of adoption if you are able to have your own kids is still a bit new in China, and seen as strange, especially by the older generation.

A few of the incredibly dumb things she said:
"Just give money to help poor people. That's doing enough." I then gamely tried to explain that this is something I feel God desires us to do, and that if all the self-professing Christians would take God's charge to care for orphans seriously, there wouldn't be any more orphans. I also told her point-blank that adoption is especially needed in China, where many orphanages are awful places.

She also said
"Such mafan....you have to feed them, clothe them, give them a place to live...."
At that point I left to go drink tea and journal....couldn't listen anymore...I wasn't angry, just frustrated with how ignorant and small-minded the things she was saying were....after all, what a stupid thing to say....adopting children means they ARE your kids, of course you feed them, clothe them, give them a place to live...same as you would children we gave birth to.

I WAS angry that my fiance didn't really say a lot...we fought about it later. He pointed out that he wanted to adopt too, just didn't know when it would happen, because we have to be able to provide for them first. And, he pointed out, "my mom didn't say no, she just wants you to think through the difficulties. Besides, it's not her decision to make." He added quickly.

I'll admit, I often get scared thinking of what our adopted kids might face, especially around kids we birth that look like the half-white, half-Asian babies that everyone here just LOVES....will our other children face stupid questions and statements their whole lives? Probably....just praying for the patience to be a part of changing the way Chinese culture, and especially Chinese christians, view adoption...not as a last resort, but as something that we who have been adopted by God strive to do to live out the gospel.

Side note: When I discussed the fact that we as Christians are adopted by God, she agreed. I love my m-i-l, and she really is a wonderful Christian woman...this is just an area that needs change.