Adoption

I had a hard day yesterday...for several reasons I was feeling sensitive already, and I was very discouraged by a conversation with my m-i-l after brunch...we were sitting around, and after giving me a lecture on all the precautions I needed to take while pregnant/after giving birth (SIDENOTE: I AM NOT PREGNANT, AND I AM NOT PLANNING TO BE IN THE NEAR FUTURE), she said (as many do), "Have a son and a daughter....that will be perfect. How many children do you want Julie?"

Ignoring how stupid I find the comment "have one son and one daughter", I answered I'd like to have two and adopt two...four kids. My fiance and I have discussed this in depth, were seemingly on the same page. When I first shared with him the passion God has given me for adopting children who need a home, he said admiringly, "all my ex-girlfriends ever cared about was what they were going to wear or eat or do for fun".

Anyhow, when I shared this with my m-i-l, she was not particularly supportive...taking care of orphans in general, she is supportive of, as a Christian, but the concept of adoption if you are able to have your own kids is still a bit new in China, and seen as strange, especially by the older generation.

A few of the incredibly dumb things she said:
"Just give money to help poor people. That's doing enough." I then gamely tried to explain that this is something I feel God desires us to do, and that if all the self-professing Christians would take God's charge to care for orphans seriously, there wouldn't be any more orphans. I also told her point-blank that adoption is especially needed in China, where many orphanages are awful places.

She also said
"Such mafan....you have to feed them, clothe them, give them a place to live...."
At that point I left to go drink tea and journal....couldn't listen anymore...I wasn't angry, just frustrated with how ignorant and small-minded the things she was saying were....after all, what a stupid thing to say....adopting children means they ARE your kids, of course you feed them, clothe them, give them a place to live...same as you would children we gave birth to.

I WAS angry that my fiance didn't really say a lot...we fought about it later. He pointed out that he wanted to adopt too, just didn't know when it would happen, because we have to be able to provide for them first. And, he pointed out, "my mom didn't say no, she just wants you to think through the difficulties. Besides, it's not her decision to make." He added quickly.

I'll admit, I often get scared thinking of what our adopted kids might face, especially around kids we birth that look like the half-white, half-Asian babies that everyone here just LOVES....will our other children face stupid questions and statements their whole lives? Probably....just praying for the patience to be a part of changing the way Chinese culture, and especially Chinese christians, view adoption...not as a last resort, but as something that we who have been adopted by God strive to do to live out the gospel.

Side note: When I discussed the fact that we as Christians are adopted by God, she agreed. I love my m-i-l, and she really is a wonderful Christian woman...this is just an area that needs change.

Chinese Wedding

I got to attend my first Chinese wedding when my fiance's sister got married last week!

It was interesting, eye-opening, enjoyable, embarassing (as any event ought to be for a foreigner in China), and, from a personal standpoint, nice to get an idea of what I'm in for come July.

Anyhow, things I learned from the wedding.....

-I am NOT in a million years hiring one of those wedding companies that everyone in China hires....cheesy MCs (see photo below of guy in MJ-style outfit joining my fiance onstage)...I'd rather just ask someone that actually KNOWS us to do it.

-Even if people tell you, as a foreigner, that you won't have to say anything or do anything, this is never true. Always be prepared to make a speech so you won't embarrass yourself by spluttering and not knowing what to say when the MC asks you to showcase your Chinese by giving a toast to the happy couple. Also, you may have to sing/do who knows what else.

In other news, the wedding was fun because I got to meet a lot of relatives/family friends that will come to our wedding this summer (apparently because of who my fiance is and that fact that I am a foreigner, we can expect a big turnout...eeek). And, of course, took the obligatory bunch of photos with the restaurant staff who had never seen a foreigner before.

Also, I overcame 2 fears on that day....

1) Singing in front of people. Thanks to my fiance who forced me into it (with near tears on my part). As a performer, he doesn't get that while I like singing ok, I do not like people looking at me while I do it. He rather impatiently said, "Time for you to get over it...you have a beautiful voice, stop being selfish and share it with people" then announced, "My girl is going to sing now." Thanks, babe.

2) Driving in Inner Mongolia. It was terrifying, and I did use my white face to get a cut-in through the traffic...but, we made it home (ok, it was only like a half-mile, but still...harrowing).

(Here is a shot that my 姐姐took from the backseat--probably terrified--)