Contentment versus Complacency

I've been contemplating contentment versus complacency today.

I've been frustrated by the culture here so much recently because of this very concept. People want to call complacency being content.

Now let me be clear, I think there is a fine line to walk between these two concepts. As a believer, I want to allow God to continue to refine me to being content when it comes to the blessings He has given me. I want to grow in recognizing those and having a thankful heart each day (that is something that I could use  a lot of work in). However, I do not want to EVER EVER become complacent when it comes to how I use my time, and basically, my life.

I feel that this is a culture that, for the most part, stresses "contentment" in a lot of situations where what they are actually doing is being complacent. Please also hear me when I say this issue is not specific to China, it's global, a struggle for all of mankind. But there are some things, societally, that reinforce this among people.

People thinking I am strange to want to adopt children...I should be "content" to just have my own. People thinking I am strange to still feel so deeply disturbed by injustices around me and all over the world "what can you do about it?". In a country where speaking out against oppression and injustice is STILL not welcomed in the least, I have been frustrated because sometimes I feel so powerless to do anything. I am, and always will be, a foreigner in this place. I miss the diversity of the States right now, because even though things are far, far from perfect...I've never faced persecution from the law for trying to change things (although you might face persecution from other people).

It makes me want to cry sometimes how little people seem to know or care about the rest of the world, and little is being done with the education system here to remedy that. I know that this is a problem in the U.S. too, but it seems that 99% of my students here have no clue about the world....

I guess my point is that I am tired of feeling pressure from Chinese family members to just "settle down, stop caring about radical ideas, and focus on "好好过日子“ （a term that I have come to detest, it means "spend the day well" and what is usually meant by it is make sure you cook 3 perfect meals and clean your house all day). Even from our Christian family members this doesn't seem to translate to spending time reading the Bible, in prayer, or helping people in need. If we do not sit home all day cooking and cleaning we are believed to be wasting our day.

These are jumbled up thoughts, but the strangled cry of my heart today is one of frustration at a world where people are content to work, cook, and never leave their hometown until they die, taking with them not one single thing or memory of value....and I'm frustrated because I feel like I've bought into that too recently....feeling content to stay home, have morning sickness, and sometimes cook. Sigh.

My Proactive List

So, one of my primary concerns for our unexpectedly long stint in the U.S. (due to needing to leave China earlier than planned, and thus just stay there until the baby is born), has been how my husband will feel. I understand cultural difficulties, and how you miss things from home, and of course, a big bummer for him will be that he can't work because he will be on a visitor visa.

So, I have been brainstorming fun things to do and ways he can get involved and use his time to avoid feeling useless and bored.

Here's what I have come up with so far:
-Chinese church. We are both Christians, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that San Antonio has a couple of Chinese churches...he can go to fellowship in Mandarin, and maybe even get involved in volunteering.
-Animal shelters. We are both dog lovers, and are going to be missing our puppies, so I want to do some volunteer work with our local humane society.
-Teaching/tutoring Chinese. Namely, I want him to formally tutor me...I haven't formally studied at all since last year, and that will be a good use of time.
-Encouraging him to use 100% Mandarin when speaking with me (in China we use a mix of Chinese and English at home, and actually while he speaks Mandarin to me fairly frequently I usually speak English because I am so tired of speaking, reading, translating, and typing Mandarin at work all day). So this will be a way for him to keep from feeling too isolated while having to use English with everyone else (and allow us to have private conversations more easily since we don't know that many Mandarin speakers in our part of Texas, haha).
-Making him finish some parenting/baby books.
-Cooking. We both like trying new food and learning to cook, and honestly, the U.S. is more conducive to this than the area of China we live in).
-Letting him handle the volume of requests we get to bring back foreign products for people (maybe we can make some money off of that this time...haha). Although if one more person asks me to bring back an Apple product for them, I might scream!

Let me know if you guys have any great ideas!!

Cultural Bitterness

I used to have the reputation of being "that China girl"...and honestly....when it comes right down to it...I'm not. I had no interest in China prior to coming here "by accident" the first time, and the thing that drew me back was friendships with Chinese people, and not necessarily an inherent draw to the culture or country itself.

Now I'm married to a Chinese man and have lived here consecutively for over 3 years (it having been over 6 years since my first visit to China). And just as I have no desire to be "the girl who loves America" I don't really have a desire to be "the girl who loves China" either. I want to be "the girl who loves people" but if we are being completely honest...I am dealing with some bitterness towards China and the culture here.

I can recognize in myself that I am reacting to stressful situations, many of which are not universally found in China (although some are) by blaming the culture around me.

My hard reality right now is that China has not made it easy for someone in my situation to make a life. Bringing me to my next announcement in case you haven't heard...I'M PREGNANT! Yay, but anyways....

Right now life for us feels like work hard all year so we can spend all the money on the inevitable visa run that I will have to do. Due to changing work situations, changing visa laws, the inability to change to a marriage visa in my city....life for us is pretty rough in terms of trying to make things work.

I want to be someone who responds to adversity with determination (sometimes I do), but in the midst of cultural stress which stems from many sources, I'm not doing so well.

Don't get me wrong, there are cultural stresses for me (and my husband) in America too (more about that later perhaps). But faced with leaving my doggies (my fur babies) and going to America penniless to work my butt off while pregnant to save the money for our return tickets to China with hopefully some sort of visa in hand, is really frustrating me right now.

In addition, some situations with my paycheck, neighbors, and the ever-present bitchy mother-in-law situation (sorry, I'm calling it as is) have really caused me to resent life here right now. And as I don't intend to leave my baby with crazy mother-in-law (which is what most Chinese parents do), this will further complicate our situation. Because many families in the U.S. do without dual incomes, but it is becoming more and more unheard of in China (and honestly, my foreign face is a great asset work-wise).

All of these situations and a few more are causing us to lean towards moving our family to the U.S...more on that in the future though. This trip to America will be our testing ground to pray about what is the right step for our little family.

Trying to get into that more peaceful frame of mind (especially since I'm pregnant)
Praying through it, and grateful that I have a mostly sweet (hehe) Chinese man to help me sort it all through.