I first came to China in 2007, and for several years after that during my time in China, I never felt unsafe, even walking down the street at night by myself (perhaps unwise regardless, but anyways).
But in the past year or two, perhaps coinciding with seeing a bit more sexually explicit advertising and even films, it seems like I've experienced it more than ever before...and it's not just me...news stories have been cropping up saying the same thing...sexual harassment and rape are on the rise in China.
Just last night, I was walking home with my Korean friend after dinner (we live in the same apartment complex). We were both dressed cute, but definitely not provocatively, however, it was dark outside. As we neared the road crossing by our apartment, a black car stopped in front of us. I walked around it....the car drove alongside us again, then stopped, blocking our path again. The windows rolled down and I saw it was a car full of young guys, about my age, who openly hung their heads out the window, making suggestive gestures and catcalls.
Now, to illustrate some more slight cultural differences between my friend and I, she appeared shocked and was freaked out, looking down (in my experience, my Korean friends are not very confrontational...soft-spoken and well-mannered). I, in all my fiery American glory, flipped them off with a venomous look. Suddenly, the one guy's face changed, angry obviously that I would dare to do that. He looked like he was gonna come out of the car, so I grabbed my friend's arm and we hurried across the street to the safety of shops and groups of people. "Fucking bastards." I not so eloquently sputtered, while my sweet friend murmured "aiyo, so rude!" But it actually shook me up...it felt like something that would happen in downtown San Antonio, not the streets of Inner Mongolia.
My hubby if course freaked out when he heard that "You should have called me!"
Needless to say, with several stories in recent times coming out about foreign girls being raped, it's no longer safe to walk the streets of my town in the evenings, which is sad.
While gun violence is still, of course, nonexistent compared to the United States, unfortunately other types of crime are on the rise...China is not the innocent place they used to pretend to be....
Monday, August 12, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Am I a model?
The answer to that? Definitely not. Not tall enough (although I'm pretty tall in China if I wear heels), small boobs that disappear if I lay down flat, and wide hips. Slightly strange facial features that make my nationality indeterminable (that can be a plus in some ways).
But, as many foreigners have experienced, in China you can be many things that you might not otherwise have an opportunity to be.
So, I am now a "freelance model" haha. I got a second job offer lined up, so this is now my spare time way to bring in some extra money.
I didn't love the experience, honestly, but I prefer it to teaching kids. My husband loves modeling, performing, and basically anything related to that, and he was openly jealous that I got another call back to model for the photography studio. I'd give him the chance any day, because he is much more of a natural than me and really wants to do it. But hey, makes for more good stories and funny photos for me. :-)
If you are facebook friends with me you probably saw these shots, along with others, accompanied by humorous captions (because really, the whole experience was rather humorous...the poses they wanted seemed so odd to me).
Anyhow, this brings me to another topic...beauty in China.
Honestly, I feel like there are SO many beautiful women in China (and their feet are all smaller than mine). I feel insecure around them sometimes. But then other times, China can give you a bit of an ego boost to make up for it. They love my white skin and big eyes, even my nose (which I think is weird). I get compliments on my figure a lot (even though I hate it).
As many women have lamented over the years, why can't we be comfortable in our own skins? Chinese women often spend money on products to make their skin whiter, when I love their tans. They wear strange, fake looking eye contacts and try to make their eyes appear larger when their narrow, Asian eyes are so exotic and beautiful to many of us foreigners. I LOVE black hair, and yet many of my friends prefer to dye it.
As I've grown older, of course, I've learned to embrace the things about myself I like, and try to find some positives even about the things I hate.
-My feet are big (and I can't find shoes here a lot of times) and I can share shoes with my hubby. ha
-My boobs are small, but my back doesn't hurt, and most shirts will fit me
-My hips are big, but they are good for balancing things on and will be good baby-making hips. ha
For my dear Chinese friends, I hope to remind them too that so many foreigners think they are beautiful just as they are...I personally think all my friends are SO cute!
But, as many foreigners have experienced, in China you can be many things that you might not otherwise have an opportunity to be.
So, I am now a "freelance model" haha. I got a second job offer lined up, so this is now my spare time way to bring in some extra money.
I didn't love the experience, honestly, but I prefer it to teaching kids. My husband loves modeling, performing, and basically anything related to that, and he was openly jealous that I got another call back to model for the photography studio. I'd give him the chance any day, because he is much more of a natural than me and really wants to do it. But hey, makes for more good stories and funny photos for me. :-)
Anyhow, this brings me to another topic...beauty in China.
Honestly, I feel like there are SO many beautiful women in China (and their feet are all smaller than mine). I feel insecure around them sometimes. But then other times, China can give you a bit of an ego boost to make up for it. They love my white skin and big eyes, even my nose (which I think is weird). I get compliments on my figure a lot (even though I hate it).
As many women have lamented over the years, why can't we be comfortable in our own skins? Chinese women often spend money on products to make their skin whiter, when I love their tans. They wear strange, fake looking eye contacts and try to make their eyes appear larger when their narrow, Asian eyes are so exotic and beautiful to many of us foreigners. I LOVE black hair, and yet many of my friends prefer to dye it.
As I've grown older, of course, I've learned to embrace the things about myself I like, and try to find some positives even about the things I hate.
-My feet are big (and I can't find shoes here a lot of times) and I can share shoes with my hubby. ha
-My boobs are small, but my back doesn't hurt, and most shirts will fit me
-My hips are big, but they are good for balancing things on and will be good baby-making hips. ha
For my dear Chinese friends, I hope to remind them too that so many foreigners think they are beautiful just as they are...I personally think all my friends are SO cute!
Friday, August 9, 2013
Changing Focuses
Change is part of life, and living overseas tends to accelerate some changes.
I was thinking a while ago about some ways my personal philosophies, politics, and beliefs have changes since living overseas. While living overseas definitely broadens your horizons and can in many ways expand your worldview, it's not just that you accept more positive things about the foreign culture you are immersed in, you also notice the negatives, of course, and appreciate things that are right in other parts of the world.
For example, two ways I have found myself morphing are in the areas of feminism and environmentalism. In the U.S., I wouldn't consider myself rabidly feminist, nor would I consider myself a person consumed with issues of the environment....but living in China, I've found myself focusing more on precisely those issues.
I've always been a feminist, of course, in that I definitely believe in the equal rights of women (not raising ourselves up in a "better than men" way, or a way that puts men down). In China though, perhaps I've found myself more on the receiving end of some traditional ways of thinking that still hold men up as more important than women (aka serve the men first, you have to do this it's a "woman's job", etc.) Granted, China is pretty progressive with women's rights when compared to many other countries and cultures, but there are still remnants of extremely traditional/detrimental ways of thinking.
And environmental issues? Animal rights? I've become extremely vocal about these issues here, because there is a total lack of respect for the environment and the beauty of nature here (Note: some cities are better than others, and some people are concerned with these things, but, in general, I've found China very much behind in these areas).
Part of this really comes from genuine love for China...they have/HAD so many beautiful gifts of nature, and it is a shame to see them disrespected, neglected, and destroyed.
What do you think? Expats, what are some areas you've found yourself becoming more of an advocate for since moving overseas?
I was thinking a while ago about some ways my personal philosophies, politics, and beliefs have changes since living overseas. While living overseas definitely broadens your horizons and can in many ways expand your worldview, it's not just that you accept more positive things about the foreign culture you are immersed in, you also notice the negatives, of course, and appreciate things that are right in other parts of the world.
For example, two ways I have found myself morphing are in the areas of feminism and environmentalism. In the U.S., I wouldn't consider myself rabidly feminist, nor would I consider myself a person consumed with issues of the environment....but living in China, I've found myself focusing more on precisely those issues.
I've always been a feminist, of course, in that I definitely believe in the equal rights of women (not raising ourselves up in a "better than men" way, or a way that puts men down). In China though, perhaps I've found myself more on the receiving end of some traditional ways of thinking that still hold men up as more important than women (aka serve the men first, you have to do this it's a "woman's job", etc.) Granted, China is pretty progressive with women's rights when compared to many other countries and cultures, but there are still remnants of extremely traditional/detrimental ways of thinking.
And environmental issues? Animal rights? I've become extremely vocal about these issues here, because there is a total lack of respect for the environment and the beauty of nature here (Note: some cities are better than others, and some people are concerned with these things, but, in general, I've found China very much behind in these areas).
Part of this really comes from genuine love for China...they have/HAD so many beautiful gifts of nature, and it is a shame to see them disrespected, neglected, and destroyed.
What do you think? Expats, what are some areas you've found yourself becoming more of an advocate for since moving overseas?
Saturday, August 3, 2013
The Hawaii of China...Sanya
For our recent honeymoon trip, we decided to go to Sanya...a beach city in China's southernmost island province, Hainan.
It actually sees most of its tourism during the winter months when people look to escape the cold (and have long Spring Festival breaks from work/school). When we went it was the rainy season, but in spite of seeing some rain nearly everyday, it wasn't too heavy and would stop and leave plenty of time for sunshine, warmth, and sunbathing. Also, I liked that it wasn't too crowded.
While the claim that it is like Hawaii might be stretching it, it was lovely, and for China, clean.
We stayed in a Honeymoon suite at the TianFuYuan Resort, and got a really good bargain on that because it's the off season.
If you are thinking of visiting Sanya, here are a few tips:
-at your hotel, ask for a room above the 4th floor...always a better view of the sea
-you can take the little buggy taxis around for cheap...always bargain and ask for a few kuai cheaper than what they tell you, but they won't rip you off too bad.
-DON'T go to the seafood restaurants that they recommend (because they get a commission). Our experience with that was that it was RIDICULOUSLY overpriced, and not really good. We ended up eating street food seafood, and it was fabulous, and only a third of the cost for a really filling, delicious bunch of dishes.
-If you want to go scuba diving (which was cool, although not spectacular, and definitely a beginners outing), ask a buggy driver...they have connections that you can bargain them down to 280 for the whole excursion, whereas going directly to the dive place will cost you upwards of 550...and is definitely not worth that much.
-eat lots of fresh fruit and veggies! The huge, fresh mangos are to die for, and coconuts are so fresh and good!
Interestingly, most of the foreigners that visit Sanya are Russian, so if there is a second language in Sanya, it's Russian, not English. Also, the Mandarin spoken there is kind of hard to understand...the accent somewhat resembles a cross between a Taiwanese accent and a Cantonese speaker pronouncing Mandarin poorly. They will often leave the "r" off of words like "shi" or "chi". Even my husband had difficulty understanding them, and the local language is indecipherable. Sounds somewhat like a cross between Thai/Cantonese?
Also, if you are an expat that resides in a part of China with very few Westerners/Western food, you can enjoy some international cuisine...there is a great Thai restaurant, and a good Italian one as well!
Anyways, it was a wonderful vacation, and coming from the northernmost part of China to the southernmost was so enjoyable...the climate was wonderful...my dry hair and sick lungs didn't want to leave!
It actually sees most of its tourism during the winter months when people look to escape the cold (and have long Spring Festival breaks from work/school). When we went it was the rainy season, but in spite of seeing some rain nearly everyday, it wasn't too heavy and would stop and leave plenty of time for sunshine, warmth, and sunbathing. Also, I liked that it wasn't too crowded.
While the claim that it is like Hawaii might be stretching it, it was lovely, and for China, clean.
We stayed in a Honeymoon suite at the TianFuYuan Resort, and got a really good bargain on that because it's the off season.
(view from our room...the resort was older but had a nice pool, and you can see the ocean!)
If you are thinking of visiting Sanya, here are a few tips:
-at your hotel, ask for a room above the 4th floor...always a better view of the sea
-you can take the little buggy taxis around for cheap...always bargain and ask for a few kuai cheaper than what they tell you, but they won't rip you off too bad.
-DON'T go to the seafood restaurants that they recommend (because they get a commission). Our experience with that was that it was RIDICULOUSLY overpriced, and not really good. We ended up eating street food seafood, and it was fabulous, and only a third of the cost for a really filling, delicious bunch of dishes.
(delicious roast fish)
-If you want to go scuba diving (which was cool, although not spectacular, and definitely a beginners outing), ask a buggy driver...they have connections that you can bargain them down to 280 for the whole excursion, whereas going directly to the dive place will cost you upwards of 550...and is definitely not worth that much.
-eat lots of fresh fruit and veggies! The huge, fresh mangos are to die for, and coconuts are so fresh and good!
(the best mango I have ever eaten, bought off a fruit lady at the beach)
Interestingly, most of the foreigners that visit Sanya are Russian, so if there is a second language in Sanya, it's Russian, not English. Also, the Mandarin spoken there is kind of hard to understand...the accent somewhat resembles a cross between a Taiwanese accent and a Cantonese speaker pronouncing Mandarin poorly. They will often leave the "r" off of words like "shi" or "chi". Even my husband had difficulty understanding them, and the local language is indecipherable. Sounds somewhat like a cross between Thai/Cantonese?
Also, if you are an expat that resides in a part of China with very few Westerners/Western food, you can enjoy some international cuisine...there is a great Thai restaurant, and a good Italian one as well!
Anyways, it was a wonderful vacation, and coming from the northernmost part of China to the southernmost was so enjoyable...the climate was wonderful...my dry hair and sick lungs didn't want to leave!
Baby Fever
Ok, I am admitting it....we have baby fever. My husband has had baby fever for a long time, and early in our dating relationship discussed how much he was looking forward to having kids together. I really don't know how I got on board with the whole thing, I feel like my uterus is overpowering my personality recently. I am that person who always swore that you shouldn't even be thinking about kids during your first year of marriage....but....we've been talking about it. Not because we're necessarily planning on getting pregnant NOW, but because we want an overall game plan (also, my husband just turned 29, or 30 by Chinese age calculations...he has started feeling old, hehe). There are a lot of things to figure out before having kids, and double that with a cross-cultural kid...which country will it be a citizen of? Which country should it grow up in? Which language will who speak when and in which environment? etc. etc. Adoption is of course still very important to me, but still have years until I am eligible to adopt from most countries.
Anyways....my concession that we should start preparing has been that we've both been doing some reading (see above photo). I should note that my husband was extremely excited that I bought a pregnancy/baby book to read, and then I found the book in the photo above (Chinese translation of the book "Dad's Pregnant Too" 爸爸也怀孕) and said if I was going to read, he needed to as well (he is not much of a reader, but he promptly began looking through it....and turned to the chapter dealing with Having Sex While Pregnant...yep, typical guy ).
Friday, July 19, 2013
Life Ain't Always Rosy
Another rough time has come upon us....the only way I can describe this past year is that it feels like you are standing near the ocean and a huge wave crashes down, sweeps you under...you manage to stand again for a moment before another comes down again.
Our relationship has been plagued by doubt, misunderstandings, stresses, and attacks. And one of those things that has been a HUGE added stresser is still my husband's mother.
I am a normally gentle person, but I don't stand for people bullying myself or others, and she has started trying to reassert her power to control us again. Contrary to what you might think, or what she tries to say, this is not a foreigner-Chinese thing....even Chinese friends we have consulted say she is acting insane.
While I always knew living in close proximity to my mother-in-law wouldn't be a great idea, it took a bunch of unfortunate incidents for my husband to also realize this wouldn't work. And yesterday another thing happened. We had been planning to move already, but were hoping to have a bit more time to settle in to married life and me to get back into my work routine before we also added that to the plate.
Yesterday's incident involved her coming upstairs unexpectedly (we didn't know she had a key) and berating me for not coming to see her since we got back from our post-wedding trip to Beijing. I told her calmly that I had been sick, and that we had been taking some time for just the two of us....she blew up, going on and on about all the money she had "given" us, which I again said I would return because it obviously wasn't really a gift, and how we have a duty to the family. She then started listing all of my faults, and said I didn't even give their relatives cake after the wedding (nevermind that it was midnight when the relatives came over, I was exhausted because it was my WEDDING DAY after all, and cake was the last thing on my mind...especially since everyone had said it was sweet and I figured the older Chinese wouldn't eat it.
The conversation ended with my husband coming in (he'd been walking the dog) and throwing her out after saying that she couldn't act like this and we were going to move.
After another round of screaming in my face, I told her that I wasn't planning on seeing her again, which, for now, is the sad truth.
In my already stressed, fragile emotional stress, I need boundaries, and there are some people that suck life and joy from those around them...bitter people that are toxic unless you get away.
Anyways, prayers appreciated because we are so so worn out during what is supposed to be a special newlywed time for us.
Our relationship has been plagued by doubt, misunderstandings, stresses, and attacks. And one of those things that has been a HUGE added stresser is still my husband's mother.
I am a normally gentle person, but I don't stand for people bullying myself or others, and she has started trying to reassert her power to control us again. Contrary to what you might think, or what she tries to say, this is not a foreigner-Chinese thing....even Chinese friends we have consulted say she is acting insane.
While I always knew living in close proximity to my mother-in-law wouldn't be a great idea, it took a bunch of unfortunate incidents for my husband to also realize this wouldn't work. And yesterday another thing happened. We had been planning to move already, but were hoping to have a bit more time to settle in to married life and me to get back into my work routine before we also added that to the plate.
Yesterday's incident involved her coming upstairs unexpectedly (we didn't know she had a key) and berating me for not coming to see her since we got back from our post-wedding trip to Beijing. I told her calmly that I had been sick, and that we had been taking some time for just the two of us....she blew up, going on and on about all the money she had "given" us, which I again said I would return because it obviously wasn't really a gift, and how we have a duty to the family. She then started listing all of my faults, and said I didn't even give their relatives cake after the wedding (nevermind that it was midnight when the relatives came over, I was exhausted because it was my WEDDING DAY after all, and cake was the last thing on my mind...especially since everyone had said it was sweet and I figured the older Chinese wouldn't eat it.
The conversation ended with my husband coming in (he'd been walking the dog) and throwing her out after saying that she couldn't act like this and we were going to move.
After another round of screaming in my face, I told her that I wasn't planning on seeing her again, which, for now, is the sad truth.
In my already stressed, fragile emotional stress, I need boundaries, and there are some people that suck life and joy from those around them...bitter people that are toxic unless you get away.
Anyways, prayers appreciated because we are so so worn out during what is supposed to be a special newlywed time for us.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Chinese Wedding Morning
(my bridesmaid and I)
("who is it?"
(my groom giving me flowers)
(heehee)
(the hotel A.C. wasn't working so well, haha, sweaty)
We rented a hotel room that served as my "home" for Xiao Long to fetch me from...when the groom and his accompanying friends/family arrive, my bridesmaid refused to let him in, playing all sorts of tricks and jokes like making him sing, do pushups, answer questions, and then give "hong bao" (red envelopes with money inside) before she finally let him in. I really enjoyed that aspect of the Chinese wedding...more to follow!
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