Life Ain't Always Rosy

Another rough time has come upon us....the only way I can describe this past year is that it feels like you are standing near the ocean and a huge wave crashes down, sweeps you under...you manage to stand again for a moment before another comes down again.

Our relationship has been plagued by doubt, misunderstandings, stresses, and attacks. And one of those things that has been a HUGE added stresser is still my husband's mother.

I am a normally gentle person, but I don't stand for people bullying myself or others, and she has started trying to reassert her power to control us again. Contrary to what you might think, or what she tries to say, this is not a foreigner-Chinese thing....even Chinese friends we have consulted say she is acting insane.

While I always knew living in close proximity to my mother-in-law wouldn't be a great idea, it took a bunch of unfortunate incidents for my husband to also realize this wouldn't work. And yesterday another thing happened. We had been planning to move already, but were hoping to have a bit more time to settle in to married life and me to get back into my work routine before we also added that to the plate.

Yesterday's incident involved her coming upstairs unexpectedly (we didn't know she had a key) and berating me for not coming to see her since we got back from our post-wedding trip to Beijing. I told her calmly that I had been sick, and that we had been taking some time for just the two of us....she blew up, going on and on about all the money she had "given" us, which I again said I would return because it obviously wasn't really a gift, and how we have a duty to the family. She then started listing all of my faults, and said I didn't even give their relatives cake after the wedding (nevermind that it was midnight when the relatives came over, I was exhausted because it was my WEDDING DAY after all, and cake was the last thing on my mind...especially since everyone had said it was sweet and I figured the older Chinese wouldn't eat it.

The conversation ended with my husband coming in (he'd been walking the dog) and throwing her out after saying that she couldn't act like this and we were going to move.
After another round of screaming in my face, I told her that I wasn't planning on seeing her again, which, for now, is the sad truth.

In my already stressed, fragile emotional stress, I need boundaries, and there are some people that suck life and joy from those around them...bitter people that are toxic unless you get away.

Anyways, prayers appreciated because we are so so worn out during what is supposed to be a special newlywed time for us.

Chinese Wedding Morning

 (my bridesmaid and I)

 ("who is it?"

 (my groom giving me flowers)

 (heehee)

 (the hotel A.C. wasn't working so well, haha, sweaty)

Ok, so ignore the fact that I look puffy and exhausted in these photos (two hours of sleep the night before...eeee)....these photos (stolen from my parents camera) show the progression of events when the groom comes to "fetch" the bride on the wedding morning.

We rented a hotel room that served as my "home" for Xiao Long to fetch me from...when the groom and his accompanying friends/family arrive, my bridesmaid refused to let him in, playing all sorts of tricks and jokes like making him sing, do pushups, answer questions, and then give "hong bao" (red envelopes with money inside) before she finally let him in. I really enjoyed that aspect of the Chinese wedding...more to follow!

Wedding Planning

And now I present: Things I am sad that I have found it necessary to say when planning a wedding in China.

-Please don't play Whitney Houston/Titanic soundtrack/Star Wars theme music
-Please don't play the above so loudly that no wedding guests can talk
-Please do not hire any performers to lip sync, dance poorly, or fake play an instrument
-Please do not blow bubbles and confetti on me when I walk down the aisle
-Please do not allow the MC to wear a bad 70s suit or talk like a radio announcer
-Please do not allow anyone to wish me the birth of a son soon
-Please have microphones ready for our vows since the majority of people will probably talk through them

So, one week to go and I hope it turns out semi-classy. haha. Because in my experience, I have yet to attend a Chinese wedding that wasn't like being in a bad disco club. haha

Chinese Pre-Wedding Pics

Wedding photos in China are a big deal....in that they are an all-day, multiple outfit affair. We got ours done at one of the higher end photo studios, and it was fun, but exhausting. The results we are pretty pleased with, although we did ask them to tone down some of the major cheese that sometimes is the Chinese preferred style. Plus I liked my makeup artist/hair stylist and will use her for my wedding day, yay!

 

 

The one I chose as a wallet print (because I like the sillier side of life, haha). My hubby hates this picture actually, but I think it's fun!

 

 

(This is the one we chose for the giant framed picture they give us, haha)

 

(one from our outdoor shoot in the park)

 

 

 

Anyways, along with the glamorous experience, haha, we also got a BUNCH of stuff...photo books, canvas prints, prints on glass, and even a crystal cube with our pictures in it..haha)

 

So, while some of the pics were decidedly different than American photography styles, it was fun and we are happy to have these shots!

Crazy Life

Sorry for the lack of posting recently...I promise to try to do better. Things have been so crazy...with Chinese family drama, wedding preparation, a trip to Beijing, a modeling job, more drama, and some randomness in between.

Anyhow, we got our engagement photos that we took in the States...many thanks to the wonderfully talented Lynn Purkiss for the gift of her beautiful photos! We are so looking forward to having her and her husband come to China for our wedding! You can see her work our under the name "Capture the Moment Photography".

Here is a look at some of them:

Wedding To-Dos

Well, wedding planning in China is not actually as involved as it can be in the States...after all, people tend to do the same thing...find a hotel, hire a wedding company, get some photos and clothes, show up and party with your guests.

For us, it's been a bit more complicated, because we hate the way wedding companies typically do things in China...so we have been seeking to do our own style Chinese-American, Christian wedding (also not that common here).

First, we wanted to find a place that wasn't the typical hideous banquet room with pillars idiotically placed throughout the room so that views of the proceedings are BLOCKED (I swear, 99% of rooms we looked at were like that).

It turns out, after desperately praying on the way home from yet another frustrating outing trying to secure a place, we stopped on a whim at a resort building shaped like a Mongolian yurt. I was skeptical, because, first of all, we aren't Mongolian, and the outside looked a bit cheesy. To our shock, the inside of the room was unique and very well designed. The sales rep told us it had been designed after a theater. Not too big, not too small..ideal really. AND right outside the door? The park with a great place to do the outdoor wedding vows part we had imagined. They had done it before too (outdoor weddings are almost unheard of here in Hohhot due to unpredictable weather and lack of suitable venues).
It's a tad bit expensive, but we are in the process of bargaining down (and whoring ourselves out as a Chinese-American international wedding that will bring their resort good publicity). Whew, huge relief.

Next up?

1) Arranging the details of the wedding...performers, who will do our vows, how to honor God through our proceedings and meld some Chinese traditions I love with American ones I treasure.

2) Wedding clothes. At Chinese weddings, the bride usually wears TWO dresses nowadays....a white one to greet guests (white Western-style), and a red one (Chinese tradition) to toast with guests in. So yes, I must find TWO perfect dresses....considering I will be wearing each for short periods of time, I don't want to pay much...but unfortunately many of the options here remind me of bad 80s prom dresses. Or Little Bo Peep.

3)Take the pre-wedding portraits. This usually entails dressing in really strange clothing, posing in really cheesy ways, and getting photos printed with random Chinglish or Korean characters on them. We did book some portraits, but asked to do most of ours outside, and without all the cheesy details. It should be interesting...they also gave us a slight discount because they had never photographed a foreigner/Chinese couple.

4) Figure out if we can afford a honeymoon at the time we have vacation this summer, and where is a place my husband can easily get a visa to (as an American, I can travel to most places easily...he, as a Chinese citizen, doesn't have the same luxury...so annoying).

5) Arrange things for all our foreigner guests! (that will be the fun part of planning)

All that to say, any ideas and suggestions welcome!

Married!

Well, after the last few slightly negative posts, I do have some happy news to share....we finally got our marriage certificate (结婚证) , which means we are now legally married!

We have been able to work a lot of things out, and after realizing I was suffering from a rather intense bout with depression, acknowledging, asking for help, and lots of prayer is helping me work through it...while getting the marriage certificate was a lot more mafan (trouble) than we expected and we had to deal with a minor incident involving corruption in the government office we needed to work with, everything worked out and we are happy to be officially married...now we are focusing on the rather last-minute planning of our celebration this summer!

 

(here it is! 9 yuan to get both our copies..haha)

 

The day after we got it, people started referring to my "husband" and he first introduced me to someone as his "妻子“ (wife). The whole thing has been confusing for all the foreigners who know us, who are unsure as to whether we are married now or will be married in July. The best answer? We are married now, and July is just the Chinese way of celebrating.

 

This whole getting married in China thing is waaaay different all around, through the whole process, than anything I expected when I was younger and thought of what my wedding would be like. But then, I never expected to meet a Chinese husband and live in China...never in a million years did I think that would happen actually....it wasn't on my radar. But I do love the fact that God always takes me to the most unexpected places, and while it has been far more challenging than I would have expected, I also consider myself unusually blessed.

 

So, while I will wear the pretty dresses and tell our story in front of family and friends in a couple of months, I'm grateful to be legally tied to the person I've already committed before God to. As my hubby happily mused today, "Our God is really amazing...to put us two out of the whole world together."

 

I'm thankful.