Chinese Wedding

I got to attend my first Chinese wedding when my fiance's sister got married last week!

It was interesting, eye-opening, enjoyable, embarassing (as any event ought to be for a foreigner in China), and, from a personal standpoint, nice to get an idea of what I'm in for come July.

Anyhow, things I learned from the wedding.....

-I am NOT in a million years hiring one of those wedding companies that everyone in China hires....cheesy MCs (see photo below of guy in MJ-style outfit joining my fiance onstage)...I'd rather just ask someone that actually KNOWS us to do it.

-Even if people tell you, as a foreigner, that you won't have to say anything or do anything, this is never true. Always be prepared to make a speech so you won't embarrass yourself by spluttering and not knowing what to say when the MC asks you to showcase your Chinese by giving a toast to the happy couple. Also, you may have to sing/do who knows what else.

In other news, the wedding was fun because I got to meet a lot of relatives/family friends that will come to our wedding this summer (apparently because of who my fiance is and that fact that I am a foreigner, we can expect a big turnout...eeek). And, of course, took the obligatory bunch of photos with the restaurant staff who had never seen a foreigner before.

Also, I overcame 2 fears on that day....

1) Singing in front of people. Thanks to my fiance who forced me into it (with near tears on my part). As a performer, he doesn't get that while I like singing ok, I do not like people looking at me while I do it. He rather impatiently said, "Time for you to get over it...you have a beautiful voice, stop being selfish and share it with people" then announced, "My girl is going to sing now." Thanks, babe.

2) Driving in Inner Mongolia. It was terrifying, and I did use my white face to get a cut-in through the traffic...but, we made it home (ok, it was only like a half-mile, but still...harrowing).

(Here is a shot that my 姐姐took from the backseat--probably terrified--)

Back to China

Well, my fiance and I are back in China....back to reality, as they say...after a very enjoyable holiday break in the States.

The first day we got back, in order to avoid falling asleep at noon and thus prolonging jet lag, we went out to get some final stuff for the apartment...we really are almost finish, thank god....just a bit of decorating left to do...we are both pretty ready to have our own space available.

Back to the chaos of trying to get all my work visa stuff finalized, back to the chaos of getting things done in China, and back to our Chinese family (who we missed of course, but who are also a bit exhausting at times, as we were reminded when my fiance's mom started yelling at him about the floor trim we bought not being high-quality enough...exhausted he collapsed into bed and said softly, "I miss America." haha.).

I do have to say, it has been really enjoyable getting to hear him describe his observations and experiences to other Chinese friends and family...they are intrigued by some of the funniest things!

He described the American wedding traditions he observed (particularly interesting as we are planning our wedding in China), family relationships, houses, and the food. One particularly funny moment was when he was trying to explain the time difference and that China is ahead so many hours...which led someone (who shall remain nameless) to remark, "Oh yes, China time is better."

I've also been trying to help him deal with some reverse culture shock....the first days back he has struggled with seeing with new eyes how crazy stupid Chinese drivers are in our city, and how strange people are when they ask us questions sometimes....he was confused by how angry he felt at people here, and as someone who has gone back and forth between two cultures frequently, I was able to explain to him the reverse culture-shock phenomenon.

Anyhow, with more apartment work, starting the business, his sister getting married, my starting a new teaching job, and planning our own wedding, we have a lot on our plate, but also a lot to look forward to!

Merry Christmas! 圣诞快乐！My first Christmas in the States since 2009 was wonderful, and I was so blessed to celebrate the greatest gift of all time with my wonderful Chinese fiance!

Since my last post, a lot has happened.... my fiance got to fly a plane (our thanks to Mr. Brad for making that happen), shoot guns, go to a snake farm, and go on many Target runs (oh how I wish China had Target, haha). My fiance also got to witness his first foreign wedding, and this sparked some creative thinking on our parts as to how we can combine some elements in our wedding in China this summer.

To be honest, I am kinda dreading planning a wedding in China, and while I thought I was one of those girls who didn't care much about the actual wedding, there were actual tears shed as I realized most of my friends wouldn't be there and I wouldn't get to do a lot of the things I suppose I'd always assumed I would...

...but then I came back to the reality that I am marrying the man I love. So....who cares? Even if I DO hate the wedding, I don't hate him, and it will bring good stories I'm sure.

Anyways, hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

 

(Here we are at the shooting range...you know, a true Texas experience)



We Made It!

After a long, confusing, and at times tearful process we managed to make it to the U.S. with a tourist visa for my fiance! I am so thankful for the blessing of being able to spend the holidays with my family and him together!

We've been back for a week, and so far, we have both gotten a little fatter, and finally beaten jet lag.

Notable moments for my fiance:
-using a water fountain for the first time
-going to see "Lincoln" with me....what a good sport! The 19th century is hard enough for native English speakers to understand...but he was intrigued by the story of Lincoln.
-thrift stores. A new concept for him, and very exciting...he has bought a lot of shoes.
-Sonic fast food. Sadly, this is his favorite food so far. That and Garden Salsa Sun Chips, haha.
-He enjoyed going to church and prayer group with my family, although for someone that comes from the Chinese church network, he was shocked by the size and niceness of our building.

Things that have been hard for him:
-he had a hard time adjusting the first couple of days, because while he regularly speaks English with me and his American best friend, he found it frustrating that he couldn't communicate as quickly and fluently as he'd like with average Americans he met...he said he finally understood my frustration with not being able to communicate my precise meaning in Chinese.
-Unfortunately while listening to the radio one morning, we heard some radio DJs do a very racist bit about Chinese people. While he didn't understand most of it, he observed how embarrassed I was, and that I murmured "racist".

Anyways, we will be here in Texas until January. Since being home, I have:
-dyed my hair blonde (it was on my Bucket List, I've never gone blonde)
-gone to Target multiple times
-enjoyed the firewall-free internet here :-)

Overseas Arrest

It still seems unreal that this is an experience I can say I have had overseas now...
It was time for me to do another visa run this week, so I headed to Hong Kong. Getting there was in and of itself exhausting because in spite of the fact that we thought we had everything in order with my boy's visa to HK, they wouldn't let him leave at first.

Anyways, upon our arrival late one night, we headed to the hostel I had booked online. I have never really had a problem with hostels I booked, especially through a website like hostelbookers.

I won't reveal all the details here, but let's just say this hostel ended up taking all our money and not giving us the room we had booked. We tried to resolve the situation, and the hostel managers wouldn't do a thing. While I will readily admit it wasn't a wise thing to do, I punched him in the face once in the heat of the argument. Keep in mind this was a man, and much taller than me.

I ended up in jail with assault charges. Part of this was because one of the police officers was friends with one of the hostel managers...shady eh?

It was crazy. 2 nights in jail overseas, and  I used my call to the U.S. Consulate and informed them that I was worried I would be treated too harshly because of the relationship of the police officer to the hostel manager. While at first most of the police officers treated me professionally (many of them really were nice), after that things changed...the chief of police was an asshole (pardon my French) and even sent me from the holding cell to actual prison for the night after that. None of my requests were met when I asked. They did briefly let me see my boyfriend.

I entered my plea in court, and was incredibly grateful when the judge didn't even give me a fine (which is what the lawyer thought would happen), just gave me a suspended prison sentence (meaning I don't have to serve if no other incidents happen in Hong Kong for the next year).

It was crazy...I just kept thinking, "I don't belong here....what is going on?" It was crazy. And I now understand why prison is so awful. It really messes with your head...if I had had to stay longer than two nights, I think I would have gone crazy...literally. Especially overseas...it was very difficult to get anyone to tell me what was going on.

And my poor fiance slept on the street/at the police station. He told me he was going crazy, trying to get information and praying so hard. I know that his prayers are why my sentence wasn't harsher. But the poor guy didn't understand the English when they talked about a suspended sentence...so he thought I was going to prison. When the court worker informed him I was fine and would be released, he started to cry, and then the court worker, seeing his tears, started crying too, he said. When I was released (pretty quickly after that due to the fact that there was no fine to pay), he threw his arms around me and started to sob (I have never seen my fiance cry). I was crying and shaking...a bit of a physical toll from not eating/drinking/seeing sunlight.

One interesting thing was, that of most of the other people I saw who had been arrested by the HKPD...most were foreigners. All the girls were...the poor mainland Chinese girl in the cell with me was so scared...we conversed in Mandarin (I was grateful, my Cantonese is awful).

Anyways, so there you go...an experience I don't recommend. I've been pretty lighthearted in talking about it, after all, part of it is so ridiculous. But, in actuality, it was a frightening experience that I may need to get some counseling to work through.

Children in China

As I sat with my fiancee at lunch, we made eyes at a cute baby at the table across from us.

"I think we're gonna have a daughter as our first child. What about you? What do you want for the first one?"
"Uh, either is ok with me."

"Yeah...I think a girl is good...or no, maybe a boy, then he can protect the girl later."

"Girls are actually more scary and protective sometimes." I pointed out.

This turned to a discussion about his own experience in childhood. He has 2 older sisters (rather uncommon for that generation in China), and his parents had that many kids because they were still trying for a son.

He readily admits that his mom focused on him, not the sisters. This aspect of his upbringing comes up a lot (especially when we are fighting). It's still shocking to me at times the super old-fashioned thought that still comes into play here....it's good that we are on the same page about how unhealthy/stupid/messed up that is.

He doesn't particularly appreciate all the focus being on him anyways at times...it means added pressure simply because he is the son in the family. As a girl, I also pick up on some of the resentment from his sisters (especially one).

Times are changing in China, and the way that people think is slowly changing too, but some things aren't changing quickly enough in my independent American mind....of course, while this doesn't mean that parents don't love their daughters, the male focus brings me much bewilderment....

Happy Halloween!

This Halloween my good friend Rachel and I did a Halloween party with our local friends...like many Western holidays, people are familiar with the name, but often unfamiliar with why/how we celebrate.

Although I very much resent the Twilight series and the whole vampire obsession...I only had a brief amount of time to throw together a costume, and vampire was the easiest/cheapest. My boyfriend didn't dress up (and right before this picture/possibly afterward we had a huge fight, hence the added angry expression/vampiric eyes...my eyes look pretty scary after I cry).

Another thing that is fun is that many Chinese friends are eager to try out anything that is a Western tradition, thus most people were pretty good sports about sticking their faces in a pail of water (bobbing for apples). :-)

I definitely miss Halloween parties in the States, with all the creative costumes and fun, but it was fun getting to introduce my local friends to some Halloween fun!